Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Telling Erwyn

It's Friday evening and Elaina is caring for Erwyn after school until Ember gets home.  They are watching an animated movie.

Elaina:  I love them.  They are so cute.  Angelica is the best.
Erwyn: I like her too.  She takes care of her babies. 

In walks Ember who has just arrived.

Ember:  Hi, You Two.  What are you up to?
Elaina:  Hi.  We're watching this Rugrats in Paris movie.  It's cute. 
Erwyn:  It's the end of the movie.  You missed it, Mommy.
Ember:  I like that movie too.  I'm sorry I missed it.  Is homework done?
Erwyn:  No homework today.  It's Friday.
Ember:  That's right.  So, Elaina, are you staying for dinner?
Elaina:  I'd love to, but I'm going to a movie with my mother this evening.  I need to grab my shoes and stuff and get going.  We'll probably grab something to eat.
Ember:  Okay. Let me walk you out and drop some things in my office.  Erwyn, I'll be right back.

After Elaina gathers her things, Ember walks her to the door, pays her and then heads to her office to place some materials and her laptop bag there.  Then she joins Erwyn in the living room.

Ember:  Did you have a good day today, Honey?
Erwyn:  Yes, I did.  We played some games, but they were about stuff we learned this week.  It was fun.
Ember:  Good.  Fun and educational. (pausing) So, Erwyn, before I make dinner, I wanted to talk to you about something.  I'm going to explain this the best way I can, okay?
Erwyn:  Okay.
Ember:  You know sometimes when a mom or dad loses their husband or wife, it could take a while, but one day they may want to look at possibly being with another person.  They may want to date again because even though they loved their husband or wife, they can love another new person too.
Erwyn:  Okay.

Ember:  Well, Mommy has decided that it's time to date again.  Well, not just date, start a relationship with someone because it could lead to something more, like having someone, a gentleman, in my life for a long time.  That means he would also be in your life.
Erwyn:  Like a new daddy?
Ember:  Possibly, but we're not anywhere that possibility right now.  It takes time to get to that point and right now, there's no guarantee about that.
Erwyn:  Oh.  So you have a boyfriend?
Ember (smiling):  Baby, please take your shoes off so you can turn toward me.  I'll take mine off too.  I need to get out of these boots.

They both take their shoes off and Erwyn turns so she can have her feet up on the sofa and face her mother directly.

Ember:  So, to answer your question, yes, I have a boyfriend.  I would never have a boyfriend and let him be around you until I thought it was a good time to do that.  I needed to be sure I would be okay with you being around that person.
Erwyn:  So I'll meet your boyfriend?
Ember:  Yes.  If I'm going to spend a lot more time with him and think about having him in our lives, I want you to be able to spend time with us together.  Not a lot at first, but we'll see how it goes.  Do you understand that?
Erwyn:  Yes.  Are you going to marry him?
Ember (laughing):  No, Honey.  At least not right now.  We still need to see how things go. 
Erwyn:  Is he nice?
Ember:   Yes, he is very nice.  You've met him.  It's Mr. Parker. 

Erwyn (with a look of surprise):  Oh!  I know him.  He's nice to me.  He says I'm beautiful.  Does he think you're beautiful, Mommy?
Ember (smiling):  Yes, he does. 
Erwyn:  Then I could be like Chuckie.
Ember:  Chuckie, who?
Erwyn:  From the Rugrats movie.  He got a new mommy and she was very nice to him.  I might get a new daddy.
Ember:  Hmmm...I guess that could be so one day.  But let's not rush it.  Right now Mr. Parker is just someone I'm, we're getting to know better.  Come sit on my lap for a minute so I can hug you.

Erwyn crawls onto her mother's lap.

Ember:  Listen, Erwyn.  You are what is most important to me, above and before everything and everyone else.  I want you to get to know Mr. Parker better too, but it will take time for Mommy to get to certain levels of trust.  I will always protect you, no matter what.
Erwyn:  I know, Mommy.
Ember:  I want you to remember that.  If for some reason you are ever uncomfortable, no matter what, even if you think I will be upset, you have to tell me.  Can you do that?
Erwyn:  Yes, Mommy
Ember:  Good.  I love you more than anything. 
Erwyn:  I love you too, Mommy.

Well, Erwyn seem okay with the news of Parker and Ember dating.  I wonder how everyone else will react.

Thanks for stopping by. ~ Jaye


  1. Erwyn took that rather well. I remember when my mom was dating all I could think was, "Oh vomit." But I never said that out loud. *survival skills on fleek!*

    1. Muff, Erwyn took it better than me too and I was an adult when my parents divorced. You would have thought I was three and throwing a tantrum. That's all I'm going to say, less I should incriminate myself further. :-)

  2. Erwyn handled it very well! I also was an adult (18) when my parents separated. I did not like my Mom's new boyfriend at the beginning, however all of my siblings did. Interestingly, he wanted to please me SO bad and eventually he won me over by showering me with gifts. Lol!!

    I hope things work out for Ember and Parker. Initially, I was not a fan of the relationship but Parker has been such a romantic to the point that it is hard to resist him. Great storytelling as always!!

    1. Hi, Georgia Girl. It's funny your mother's boyfriend had to bribe you into liking him. But as least he was committed. LOL!

      I can understand sometimes you can't see two people being together until you start to see more about how they interact with each other. Then you get it. I've experienced that before.

      Thank you!

  3. Erwyn did a good job with that conversation. My parents never divorced, however my dad passed away when I was close to 30. He and my mom weren't officially together about the time I turned 24. All I could think was, thank goodness. What took you guys so long to separate? My dad moved on, and my mom had a friend, and I was very happy. My mom was so much happier having a friend she could enjoy life with. I almost didn't recognize her. It was more important to me that my parents were happy, and that was being apart.

    Hope it all works out well for Erwyn and Parker.

    1. Thank you. I don't know how I would have handled it. Sometimes it's hard on the kids.

      I hope it works out for Erwyn and Parker too.

  4. Erwyn is a sweet kid. Nice to see.

    I need to go back to read about Ember and Mr. Parker.

    1. Hi, D7ana. Yes, you have to get caught up. They are into each other. Things are going well so far.

  5. Both Ember and Erwyn handled that well. In my experience working with kids, I find that children have an easier time accepting the idea of a parent moving on when the other parent has passed away. It's when both parents are still alive that many struggle with them being with other people. I have a student now whose mom remarried last year and he's conflicted over how to feel toward her new husband. He feels that liking him is a betrayal to his dad who lives in Florida.

    1. Jewell, I was blessed. Four of my five full-time stepkids were ecstatic that I was there. The middle girl, who was 12 at the time, had the hardest time, but I think that was more about her father than her mother. I had the same wonderful experience with my long term boyfriends two children. Of course their mom tried to make it a living hell. The feeling of the kids is sometimes a direct reaction to how the parents are handling it.

  6. While I am divorced, it was long before my kids were adopted, so they never knew my ex. There was a time when they both wanted a daddy and Alyssa used to "suggest" some men to me. I date 2 men that were longer term when the girls were between 6 and 11, but neither worked out. Now, the girls prefer our family just the way it is with just the 3 of us. Good thing I don't have much of an interest in dating!

    As far as how you approached this subject in your story, I think both Ember and Erwyn handled this very well. I like that Ember waited to be sure that this was a relationship that had potential to last before telling Erwyn about it and that she assured Erwyn that she would always come first. I also think this is easier when the kids are younger. I think it is harder when they get a bit older.

    I lost my mother when I was 15 and my father re-married 6 months later. He started dating women within weeks after my mother died. The woman he married was someone he dated when he was in high school. She saw my mother's obituary in the paper and contacted him. It was a terrible marriage and very hard on us. They only lasted about a year. Then, while I was in college, I came home for a holiday and found out that my father has married a woman who went to high school with us! She was just a year older that me. Horrible, horrible! It put a horrible strain on my relationship with my father. While married to her, he had a heart attack and passed away. Dealing with the evil step was after that was bad. She would even let us come into our home and get our own things! She decided to have a garage sale and sold as much as she could. A couple of us did a midnight run and got some of my mother's things out of the house before she had the chance to sell them, so we were lucky enough to get her China and silver as well as her cedar chest and the things in it as well as several family photos. Wow, I didn't expect to recall all of that based on this post! Sorry!

    1. Thanks for sharing, Phyllis. It's sad when people behave in such a negative manner.

      It only matters that you are happy with your family.


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